Kindness toward yourself is the starting point
So today we're talking about why we should always put ourselves first.
In today's world, when life moves at an unprecedented speed and the pressure to be the best in every aspect of our lives is enormous, it's easy to forget one fundamental truth - the importance of kindness to ourselves.
Why am I raising this topic on the Malua blog?
Because Malua is about more than what you sleep in. It's about how you live, how you rest, and how you treat yourself in the small moments that shape every day. Self-kindness sits at the heart of that. And yes, it connects to something as everyday as the sheets you sleep in.
What does linen bedding have to do with kindness?
Because I want to emphasize that self-kindness is not a luxury, but a necessity! It's an investment in your happiness, health, and overall well-being. This stems from what we write about in the world of Malua all the time: a sense of well-being.
February, the month of love and Valentine's Day, is the perfect time to remember how important it is to take care of ourselves, our emotions, and our well-being.
Kindness, the key to treating ourselves well, is often confused with the negative perception of self-centeredness. However, it is the foundation from which we must begin to teach our children love and empathy for others. We must master this art ourselves. This means that before we show kindness to others, we must first learn to be kind to ourselves.
The literature identifies three components of self-kindness (self-compassion).
- Self-kindness is an attitude of gentleness and warmth toward yourself, especially during difficult times. Instead of being critical of yourself, strive to show yourself support and understanding.
- A sense of common humanity. It's realizing that you're not alone in your experiences. Each of us experiences difficulties, pain, and failures, and what unites us is a shared experience and emotion.
- Mindfulness. Being present in the present moment, accepting our feelings and thoughts without over-identifying with them. Mindfulness helps us keep our emotions in check and prevent them from completely taking over our lives.
How to cultivate kindness towards yourself?
Take a moment each day for introspection and practices that foster self-compassion. This could be meditation , a gratitude journal, or simply a moment of silence with a cup of good tea . It's important to avoid self-criticism and instead practice affirmations that emphasize your worth and well-being.
Remember to occasionally allow yourself a little luxury, something that brings you true joy and comfort. It can be something as simple as buying your favorite candy bar, a bouquet of flowers, or purchasing high-quality linen bedding. Such "pampering" is not just a momentary pleasure but a long-term investment in your well-being.
What should you try not to do?
- Avoid self-criticism , which is when you critically evaluate your own actions, thoughts, emotions, or character traits. This often involves harsh and negative self-assessment and can lead to low self-esteem and a sense of inadequacy.
Examples of self-criticism:
- Perfectionism: “I didn’t do this project perfectly, so I’m a failure.”
- Comparing yourself to others: “She has achieved more in life than I have, so I must be worse.”
- Focusing on the negative: “I failed again, I will never accomplish anything.”
- Generalizing individual events: “I made a mistake, so I am completely incompetent.”
How to deal with self-criticism?
By practicing kindness towards yourself, you can reduce your tendency to self-criticism, encouraging a gentler and more supportive approach to your own mistakes and imperfections.
By practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness helps you notice negative thoughts without automatically accepting them as truth. It allows you to observe your thoughts from a distance and with less emotional involvement.
Understanding your own thoughts . Recognizing that criticisms are just thoughts, not facts, can help reduce their impact on our emotions and behavior.
Through therapy. Working with a therapist can help you understand the sources of your self-criticism and develop strategies for dealing with it.
- Avoid isolation, the feeling of being isolated and separated from others that often occurs when you are experiencing pain or difficulty. Isolation makes you feel alone in your suffering, which can deepen your pain and difficulty.
Examples of insulation:
- Experiencing difficulties alone: Thinking that you are the only one experiencing certain problems or feelings, e.g., "I'm the only one who feels so inept at work."
- Shame and hiding problems: You avoid talking about your difficulties with others for fear of being judged, which leads to loneliness in the problem.
- Belief in the uniqueness of negative experiences: “Nobody understands what I’m going through.”
How to deal with isolation in the context of self-compassion?
Recognizing Human Community : Reminding ourselves that we are not alone in our experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation.
Openness to sharing: Sharing your difficulties with trusted people can bring relief and a sense of belonging.
Participating in support groups : Support groups can help you see that other people are experiencing similar problems, which helps you overcome feelings of isolation.
Practicing self-kindness encourages you to adopt a compassionate attitude towards yourself, which may include realizing that difficulties are part of the human experience.
Feeling isolated during difficult times can be difficult to overcome, but developing self-kindness and building a sense of community can help you reduce its impact on your life.
3. Avoid overidentification , which is when you overidentify with your thoughts and feelings, leading to over-absorption in the negative aspects of your experience. (This can be compared to overinterpretation, which happens to highly sensitive people. Or overidentification occurs when you take yourself too seriously.)
This is the opposite of mindfulness, one of the key components of self-kindness, which encourages a balanced and objective approach to one's thoughts and emotions.
Examples of Overidentification:
- Emotional overreaction: You feel completely overwhelmed by negative emotions, such as sadness or anger, to the point that they become the center of your experience.
- Catastrophizing: Seeing one negative event as a disaster that defines your entire life or personality.
- Generalization: Believing that one negative experience says everything about you as a person, e.g., "I always mess everything up" or "Nothing ever works out for me."
How to deal with overidentification?
Mindfulness practice: Mindfulness helps you notice your thoughts and feelings without directly identifying with them, allowing for a more balanced approach.
Developing self-awareness: Being aware of your own tendencies to overidentify can help you consciously counteract them.
Practicing self-compassion: Practicing self-kindness can help us develop a healthier relationship with our own thoughts and feelings, teaching us how to approach ourselves with more gentleness and understanding.
Consulting with a therapist: Working with a therapist can help you understand and work through overidentification patterns, developing healthier ways of coping with emotions.
Overidentification can make it difficult to achieve self-kindness, but by practicing mindfulness and developing self-understanding, you can learn to approach your experiences with greater detachment and compassion.
Interestingly, some research has been conducted on kindness.
Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh observed in their study that middle-aged women who practiced kindness towards themselves showed a lower risk of developing cardiovascular diseases.
Here are the details:
The experiment involved 200 women aged 45-67. The researchers used questionnaires to measure the participants' negative beliefs about their lives (e.g., how often they felt inadequate or disappointed in themselves) and analyzed the condition of their carotid arteries using ultrasound.
These studies have shown that middle-aged women who practice kindness may have a lower risk of cardiovascular disease , regardless of traditional risk factors such as high blood pressure or cholesterol.
They found that women who were kinder to themselves had thinner carotid artery walls and less plaque, which is associated with a reduced risk of heart disease.
These benefits persisted even after controlling for their daily lifestyle choices, such as physical activity, smoking, and depressive symptoms, underscoring the importance of self-compassion for both mental and physical well-being, especially during stressful times.
Kindness to yourself and openness to others
The more tenderness and kindness we have for ourselves, the more we have for others. Self-compassion teaches us that being kinder to ourselves means being kinder to everyone around us.
At a time when community and support are needed more than ever, building self-awareness and kindness towards ourselves becomes the foundation for change for the better in our environment.
Summary
Self-kindness is not only a path to improved well-being but also to deeper connection with others. It's a way to increase resilience, stabilize self-esteem, and reduce stress. By adopting an attitude of self-kindness, you open yourself to personal growth, learn from mistakes, and take better care of your health.
Remember that tenderness towards yourself is the path to a life full of acceptance, love and true happiness.
Adopting an attitude of openness, gentleness (in the context of self-compassion/self-acceptance) and self-awareness is the key to being kind both to ourselves and to others around us.
By developing self-love, that is, tenderness and kindness toward ourselves, we increase our capacity to be kind to others. The greater our inner peace, the better we influence those around us.
I encourage you to work on building self-awareness, which is the foundation of all positive change. When we are better to ourselves, we automatically become better to others.
In these times, when we so desperately need a sense of community and closeness, it is important that we first recognize the humanity in ourselves and others before focusing on the roles we play.
Sources:
- Polish Psychological Forum, article: Martyna Stasiorowska, Elżbieta Rydz “Self-compassion and styles of coping with stress and self-stigma related to seeking psychological help among adolescents.”
https://pfp.ukw.edu.pl/archive/article-full/511/stasiorowska-rydz-samowspolczu-a-style-radzenia-sobie-ze-stresem-i-samostigmatyzacja/ - Eureka Alert, Women who practice self-compassion are at lower risk of cardiovascular disease. Practicing kindness is good for your body, Pitt scientists say, UNIVERSITY OF PITTSBURGH
https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/938206 - Practical Medicine, article: Kindness pays off, Marek Matacz, zdrowie.pap.pl
https://www.mp.pl/pacjent/psychiatria/aktualnosci/319514,zyczliwosc-sie-oplaca